On my 4th Crossfit Anniversary, I am really stepping as far outside of my comfort zone as is humanly possible! This summer I bought a bikini. I haven’t worn a bikini in over 20 years! Even this one, I have been only wearing in my backyard or at the beach when it is only me and my daughter…but today I did something that is so far outside of my comfort zone, I am literally sick to my stomach just talking about it! I let my daughter take pics of me, in a public place wearing a bikini. And I am going to share them with you! (I just totally threw up in my mouth!!)
I have been working HARD on my fitness this year! My shoulder isn’t really in great shape (I need some surgery to fix a bone spur that is sawing my rotator cuff in half.) I have spent most of the year not doing anything that would jeopardize me shooting weddings…which means I haven’t been doing pull-ups (which I LOVE), pressing the bar overhead (which I LOVE) or handstands (which I LOVE)… You see the theme! I have been scaling EVERYTHING and avoiding a lot of the things that I really love to do! But a funny thing happened along the way! I got way better at some of the things I don’t love! I am much better at rowing, I don’t loathe wall balls anymore, and burpees are literally my favorite form of torture!
I also decided that this was the year I was going to work on my nutrition! It isn’t fancy, or even fun sometimes, but I leaned a lot about portion control and also realized that gluten and I are not friends. So after taking some time to learn how to eat better and more healthy, I am pleased to say that I have lost almost 20 pounds!!! I honestly feel GREAT!! I have more energy, I am stronger and don’t cringe when I look in the mirror anymore. This is a huge change for me. I mean I didn’t have low self-esteem before. I just didn’t really have any! Now, I don’t hate the way I look…in fact most days, I like myself just fine!
But my REAL goal is to get me some ABS!! I think you can say that I have NEVER had Abs! Even when I was in high school. But that has always been the part of the body that I envy in others the most. It is also the part of the body where I gain weight the fastest!
Now someone pointed out to me the other day that I will NEVER have abs. Their reasoning was that I am over 40, I have grown two humans, and I am a Woman. At first, this truly hurt my feelings. I even went home and literally cried. I have been working my ass off for this. And for some reason, their words cut me like a knife! How dare they tell me I can’t have something that I am working so hard for!!! How dare they even comment about my body anyway! But ya know what?? It just gives me more fire to prove them wrong!
While I don’t have abs yet…dammit, I don’t look bad at all! I have a long way to go and I will keep working hard…but this year I am giving myself the gift of saying “who gives a fuck!” If you want to tell me how I can’t have abs because I am a Woman, over 40 and a Mom…so be it! Maybe I can’t! But ya know what, that isn’t going to make me stop trying to be the best version of myself I can be. I am not going to quit working hard in the gym (and the kitchen!) And I am not going to be ashamed of the way I look anymore! I am just going to be me! And if you do tell me about how I can’t do it…be ready for my new catch phrase!
So, happy Crossfit-aversary to me! Thanks to my gym Family, Crossfit Norfolk, that pushes me harder everyday, talks me off a ledge when I am crying in my kitchen and who keeps me feeling 10 years younger than I really am! You all are the BEST!! XOXO!